


ai

by captainsh



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, drabble-ish, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 14:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10946748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainsh/pseuds/captainsh
Summary: he remembers searching for her, a breath of life, a breath of innocence, and he remembers searching her out for her sake.now his eyes trail against a sea of faceless people, blood splattered on the creases of everyone's uniform, and it is not for her sake for but for his.(or, kakashi, in love.)





	ai

1.

and kakashi doesn't need to know when it started, when his eyes began seeking out that familiar shade of pink amongst dull browns and shiny blacks. if anything, he wants to forget; a habit remnant of a long-ago past, back when she was young and wore lenses tinted in the same shade of her hair, of her cheeks. he remembers looking for her even then, because in many ways she is not as ready as their other two teammates were. he remembers searching for her, a breath of life, a breath of innocence, and he remembers searching her  _for her sake._

now his eyes trail against a sea of faceless people, blood splattered on the creases of everyone's uniform, and it is not for her sake for but for his.

 

 

2.

does she remind him of rin?

he thinks,  _yes,_ and remembers glowing green hands and a love story stopped-- a love story abandoned, between two boys and a girl caught up in the middle. he thinks of kindness and guilt, of broken promises and losing.

he thinks,  _no,_ and sees callused fists throwing punches on the ground, as earth-shattering as any power, as magnificent and scary and  _utterly_ her. he thinks of rough hands touching him softly. he thinks of smiles and the steady, rhythmic beat of his heart,  _ba-bump, ba-bump,_ speeding up and running away from him until he's breathless and winded.

he thinks,  _oh._ he thinks,  _oh no._

 

 

3.

the truth is: he wants nothing more than to run away every time she stops by, graceful limbs swinging in happiness as she pokes her head inside his office, grinning light.  _kaka-sensei,_ she says, and he's never hated a word so much until she breathes it out loud. he wants to catch the word in his bare hands and crush it. he wants to open her mind and erase the memory of that term. he wants to cover her mouth every time she says it. because every time is a vivid reminder of what he is to her,  _who he is to her,_ and how distant he will always be.

the truth is: he is a man wanting and longing for a woman that he cannot have.

the truth is: he does not care.  _he does not care._ he doesn't clench his fingers but his jaw tightens. he doesn't stiffen but he lets his eyes curve in a smile, steadfastly ignoring the vicious word as she enters his office for the nth time.

 

 

4.

establishing a routine with her is terrifyingly easy-- always has been. when the clock strikes twelve she comes, like the magic undone in one of the faraway tales that even kakashi's heard. except it is not midnight and the magic doesn't leave with her; it is noon, and the magic comes with her. she brings take-away lunch boxes and he whines half-heartedly, says,  _but this isn't as good as your cooking,_ and she would scowl and think him teasing her. he doesn't correct her. what he does is thank her, as they sit together, side by side, quietly munching on steaming-hot rice and cool, bland tea. in the silence of the room, he fears she might hear his heartbeat.

there is nobody to witness the solidarity between them. they are the ones who never left; they are the ones who were left. nobody sees the comfortable companionship, except for the faces of the previous hokages and the shadows lurking in the corners of the room. embraced by the silence, they sit.

when she leaves, her eyes crinkle in genuine happiness, and kakashi reckons he might be content with this.

(he is not.

for once in his life, he is a greedy man who wants and wants and  _wants--_ )

 

 

5.

he is one of the most powerful men in the world. he is, also, vulnerable against her laugh.

when she laughs, it is with sprinkled with gold-dust and ethereal wonder, of star-speckled memories and sugary-sweet smiles. she's the prettiest when she laughs. she's the prettiest when she smiles, when her eyes crinkle at the corners. she'sthe prettiest when she's healing, hands glowing as muscles knit themselves under her power. she's  _also_ the prettiest when she's fighting, earth breaking, fist smashing. she's,  _again,_ the prettiest the rare times that she cries, cute nose red and--

 _fuck,_ he groans, because of course she's  _always_ the prettiest for him.

he desperately hopes no yamanaka will dare read his mind.

 

 

6.

when he believes she cannot surprise him further, she knocks his door open and says,  _kakashi._

says,  _i'd like to say i'm done hurting, but truth is, i was done hurting a long time ago. i was done waiting. for sasuke, for happiness, for my childhood dreams to come true._

says,  _i'm stupid and blind and i--_

says,  _i think i might be a tiny bit in love with you._

says, in the smallest voice he's ever heard, green eyes searching and wondering, a look of fear, a look of terror,  _will you kiss me?_

 

 

7.

he does.

hatake kakashi kisses haruno sakura, kisses her like he is a drowning man and she is his air, kisses her stupid, kisses her like there is no tomorrow. he drinks in the taste of her. he drinks in the feel of her warm body pressed against his. he doesn't let go, and distantly, there is a vision of rin grinning, of obito cheering, of minato-sensei and his father smiling proudly of him. it's a stupid image and he giggles, breaking the kiss; she frowns and is about to accuse him of teasing her but his lips press against her again. and again. and again.

it is the best decision he's made as hokage so far, he decides.

**Author's Note:**

> idk i just felt like barfing out something so there hope you enjoyed


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